Goals are overrated.
Talamunian #2
Talamunian is not a real word. I borrowed it from a very good friend. In Filipino, tala means to note or to record. Muni or muni-muni means thoughts. TALAMUNIAN means a record of thoughts. It’s like a journal or a diary. But for my friend, he just used this word as a folder where he keeps his porn collection. I want to turn it around. Now it’s on Medium, no? It will be a podcast soon.
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Your boy is turning 32 in a couple of days and this is probably a weird birthday for me. This is my first birthday without my mom and my second birthday in this pandemic. A lot of things happened in the last year alone. And this is true for the most of us. It’s either we lost our sanity or we matured so quickly.
Every year, before my birthday, I usually sit down in a coffee shop and plan my life. I often assess what I did wrong, what I did right, and what needs to be improved. I also write my goals and ways how to achieve those goals. As I start writing what I want to achieve during my 32nd year, I stopped. I realized I don’t want to achieve anything. I don’t want any self development goals. I don’t want to write a mission statement. I don’t want to see myself “successful” after a year. I don’t want to achieve a certain physique or I don’t want to see myself speaking a new language after a year. After how many years doing this annual planning, I suddenly realized that GOALS ARE OVERRATED.
The past year, I wanted to have a better physique. Although I was able to sort of achieve a certain amount of muscles and people commends me for that, there were a lot of days when I feel bad about my progress because I see very minimal results. I was really hard on myself. It did not fix my insecurities. Instead, I became more insecure. I have forgotten to celebrate the fact that finally, I was able to enjoy working out and that I was able to do a consistent exercise practice given the limitations and restrictions of the pandemic. This may be a cliche, but I forgot to enjoy the process because I was too focused on the results.
So for this year, the only goal that I have is enjoy and trust the process and to forget about results. Whatever good results I will have from daily efforts are just bonuses. And the bad results, well, charge it to experience.
That does not mean I wont do the hard work. This mindset is not an excuse to slack off or be lazy. It is still a very conscious effort to be present and to be in the now. In fact, instead of writing “what I want” to be after a year, I reflected what will matter to me in the next year — my core values. Let me share them with you:
- Financial Freedom. I have taken MONEY for granted in the past years. I am not a very good steward of money. I got it from my mom actually. We are not wise with our spending habits. My mom is the youngest in the family. I am an only child. So technically, we are spoiled brats. We are neither rich nor poor, but we live very comfortably, and we resist any discomfort. But now, that’s a thing I regret. I was never trained to delay gratification (which is now a spiritual practice for me hahaha). I was a fake minimalist the past years. So for my 32nd year, I will be more conscious about how I use my money.
2. Intelligence. For my 32nd year, I want to value intelligence and continuous learning. Nope this is not about me going to graduate school but it’s just an attempt to be curious about new things and unfamiliar things. I am currently studying Bahasa Indonesia. Like what I have said earlier, my goal is not to see myself speaking Bahasa after a year, but I want to enjoy the studying process — memorizing, connecting with experts, challenging my brain, learning new words, improving foreign vocabulary, etc.
3. Longevity. Longevity means to live a long life. But I want to tweak it a little bit and try to add quality to that long life. If I failed to have a long life, at least it is quality. I want to create a more comprehensive diet and exercise plan, not because I want to look good but I want to feel good. In all honesty, me having a better body than last year does not mean I am more energetic and stronger. I feel weak a lot of times. I am exhausted most of the time. And I don’t want that anymore.
4. Mindfulness. I often associate this word to Living in the NOW. Like what I have said many times just in this Medium post alone, we are all caught up with our goals. We take for granted the moments to reach the goals. That’s why when we achieve a certain goal, the feeling of fulfillment is fleeting. I remember how my friend told me that the endorphines after doing her exercise routine just lasted for six seconds. That’s how it is for the most of us, including me. I want to enjoy those hip thrusters the same way I want to enjoy my huge glutes. I want to enjoy preparing and cooking my meals the same way I enjoy the feeling of meeting my daily calorie requirement. I want to enjoy memorizing hard to spell words the same way I want to enjoy bragging that I speak a new language.
Core Values are different from goals. Core values are guides to remind you what matters to you and what you need to prioritize everyday. I want to treat core values as guides to live what you think is a perfect life (cause my idea about perfect life is different from yours).
An ode to Virgo
This month is your birth month, Virgo. You deserve a birth month celebration and not just a birth day. I was very hesitant to get you at first, but taking you home is one of the best decisions I have had this pandemic. Your playfulness and destructive behavior stressed me out, but hey, it’s more tolerable than my panic attacks and self loathing habits.
I remember the first time you saw me cry. You went into my lap and looked at me, with dilated eyes. It was the first time I felt the power of owning a pet. I never get why people are so in love with their pets, why they create instagram accounts for them and why they spend loads of money to take care of them. Now I get it. Theres a reason why the universe allowed cats and dogs evolved to be cute. (OK, lizards and turtles too).
Thank you virgo for being a cute and adorable cat. You have been helpful to me as I handle my grief and as I live the most difficult year ever. You were the one who tamed me, not the other way around. If only I can multiple you 7 Billion times and give each human a duplicate of you, I will.
Happy Birthday Virgo. To the one who is reading this, get a pet. You will do yourself a favor.
